I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
