We won't sleep together?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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