I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
