If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i will never coherently bang her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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