You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
