So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
