Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
