Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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