Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
