I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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