if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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