do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize