i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
