I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
