I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
