Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
