Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
