Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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