Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
