"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
