After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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