I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
