eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
