once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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