If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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