I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she looked like the before picture.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
