5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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