i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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