So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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