She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
