im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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