pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
