i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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