Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
