I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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