and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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