There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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