i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
