Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
