420 ftw
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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