Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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