i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
