Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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