Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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