I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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