he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
