This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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