I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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