at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
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duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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