my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
