I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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