Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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