i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
