you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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