Rock
Scissors
Fuck
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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