I'm so fucking centered right now
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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