ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just high enough for therapy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
