Porn is love you can see.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
