hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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